If you know me, you understand why Father's Day is not one of my favorite holidays. If you don't know, this was the 9th Father's Day I've observed since my Dad died. Something within me wanted to write about
Father's Day. Perhaps I wanted to feel included. Perhaps I want a group of people (those who have fathers who are still living) to understand what they never can (what it's like to celebrate Father's day when your father is in Heaven). When I started writing this post in my head, it was a how to on how to love the fatherless (more on this later) on Father's Day. Then I realized that goes against everything I believe about grief because it implies there is a manual or a one-size fits all way to help. So.. that post isn't here.. because I don't like to contradict myself. :-)
Father's Day. Perhaps I wanted to feel included. Perhaps I want a group of people (those who have fathers who are still living) to understand what they never can (what it's like to celebrate Father's day when your father is in Heaven). When I started writing this post in my head, it was a how to on how to love the fatherless (more on this later) on Father's Day. Then I realized that goes against everything I believe about grief because it implies there is a manual or a one-size fits all way to help. So.. that post isn't here.. because I don't like to contradict myself. :-)
I'd be lying if I said that Father's Day is never hard or that I'm never angry. If you would have asked me 9 years, 10 months, and 8 days (I used an online calculator) ago if I would till be angry, I would have said no. But I am. Not every day, by any means. Not even every Father's Day. But sometimes I'm angry. I'm angry because my dad is dead. I'm angry because it happened when I was so young. I'm angry for the memories that will never be made. I'm angry that I'm angry. (Hey, I'm a girl.. it makes sense). Oh, and I'm angry that life feels normal without him. I get angry that I can go a day without thinking about him. It feels wrong sometimes. (For the record, the angry days are few... I'm just saying they exist).
For the record, I do not consider myself fatherless. Weird, I know. But come on, you probably know me. Did you expect anything else? My dad was a great man. He worked hard to provide a good home for my mom, sister, and I. Although he had no concept of time (meaning my mom had to remind him several times), he made it to almost every single Little League game I played... no matter how good (or terrible) I was. Without a doubt, I know he loved me. So I get a little worked up when people think I'm fatherless. I also have a heavenly Father who loves me better than my earthly father could in a million years. Especially since my dad died, I have seen God as my father. He is the One who comforts me. He gives me guidance.
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