I find myself saying this a lot: "I should have known." I mean, a lot a lot. For whatever reason, a couple of weeks ago I wondered what I meant when I said that. I mean, there's the obvious- I should have known. What I really wondered was what I was implying or what was behind that statement. So, I started thinking about when I (or other people) say this phrase.
"I should have known [fill in name of a person] was going to hurt me." "I should have known [insert situation] was going to end up this way (which I only say when it goes poorly)". "I should have known this was too good to be true". "I should have known better".
Here's what I realized I was really saying. "I should have expected this person is not capable of change or of loving for me as I want them to". "I should always predict disaster". "I can't trust that God has good things for me or that I deserve good things". "I should have run through every possible scenario and braced myself for every possible situation by putting up walls". Basically, I was saying I should be constantly skeptical and pessimistic; I should never trust God or trust people. Because obviously pain and disappointment are bad.
Then I thought about someone saying those things to me. I was sad about them. Generally speaking, I consider myself to be an optimist. I legitimately feel sorry for people who are pessimists because it seems like a terrible way to live. I realized that I never want to be a person who assumes the worst. I don't want to assume the worst about people and I sure don't want to assume the worst about God. More and more I'm realizing how feeble my own attempts at avoiding pain and disappointment are. We are all imperfect humans living in an imperfect world. We're gonna let each other down. That's hard. We're not going to lover perfectly or meet every expectation. So hard.
So, I (with the rest of the human world), have an option: I can give in to pessimism and try to protect myself or I can risk. It's a big risk. Assuming the best about people and circumstances sets me up for one of two things: I will be right or I will be let down. If I am let down, I have two options: Meet the Lord in it while I forgive others or dive deep into a sea of bitterness that slowly eats away at my soul and takes me back to pessimism. See? I even made you a cool little graphic. (You may have to increase your browser size to see it).
In the end, I choose risk. I'd rather be hurt ten times waiting for the one time where believing the best about someone proves to be true. I'd rather assume things will work out (because they ALWAYS do), then presume disaster. From now on, I want my "should haves" to be like these: "I should have known God would show up in the precise moment I needed Him." "I should have known that HE will protect me". "I should have known His purposes would prevail". "I should have known that change is always possible". THOSE are the things I should (and should have) known.
"I should have known [fill in name of a person] was going to hurt me." "I should have known [insert situation] was going to end up this way (which I only say when it goes poorly)". "I should have known this was too good to be true". "I should have known better".
Here's what I realized I was really saying. "I should have expected this person is not capable of change or of loving for me as I want them to". "I should always predict disaster". "I can't trust that God has good things for me or that I deserve good things". "I should have run through every possible scenario and braced myself for every possible situation by putting up walls". Basically, I was saying I should be constantly skeptical and pessimistic; I should never trust God or trust people. Because obviously pain and disappointment are bad.
Then I thought about someone saying those things to me. I was sad about them. Generally speaking, I consider myself to be an optimist. I legitimately feel sorry for people who are pessimists because it seems like a terrible way to live. I realized that I never want to be a person who assumes the worst. I don't want to assume the worst about people and I sure don't want to assume the worst about God. More and more I'm realizing how feeble my own attempts at avoiding pain and disappointment are. We are all imperfect humans living in an imperfect world. We're gonna let each other down. That's hard. We're not going to lover perfectly or meet every expectation. So hard.
So, I (with the rest of the human world), have an option: I can give in to pessimism and try to protect myself or I can risk. It's a big risk. Assuming the best about people and circumstances sets me up for one of two things: I will be right or I will be let down. If I am let down, I have two options: Meet the Lord in it while I forgive others or dive deep into a sea of bitterness that slowly eats away at my soul and takes me back to pessimism. See? I even made you a cool little graphic. (You may have to increase your browser size to see it).
love the chart :)
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